You Might Be A Paultard If....

(With all due apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)




.....You've memorized Ron Paul's economic platform, but your supervisor doesn't think you're ready to man the shake machine yet.

.....You fail a remedial history class at the local vo-tech when every one of your answers on the final exam is "Ron Paul".

.....Your mother calls down to your basement "apartment" to tell you that dinner is ready and you scream back, "I'll eat when I'm ready, you Zionist pig! What's the matter, don't you believe in freedom ?"

.....You think bong water is an acceptable alternative to aftershave.

.....You like to tell people that you're the product of Screwy Lewy Rockwell and Cindy Sheehan's trysts.

.....Your every sentence begins with "Only Ron Paul...." and "Ron Paul is the only....."

.....Code Pinko kicks you out of a rally for being a wuss.

.....You throw darts at a picture of Abraham Lincoln.

.....Your head spins around and you spit pea soup when you're within five feet of a synagogue.

.....You know what Ron Paul's first words were, but you can't remember where you left that last hit of heroin.

.....You're dumb enough to call Mark Levin's show and start a sentence with "Only Ron Paul..." and "Ron Paul is the only...." (Yes, this rates two mentions! It's as annoying as it is intellectualy lazy!)


.....You think burqas are sexy.